Aaron Levenstein - Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Abba Eban - History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
Abraham Lincoln - Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Adlai Stevenson - In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes.
Adlai Stevenson - Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.
Adrian Millett - Real programmers program by whistling down the MIC IN port of a ZX80.
Aesop - We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.
Al Capone - When I sell liquor, its called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on Lake Shore Drive, its called hospitality.
Al Capone - You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Al Capp - Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
Aldous Huxley - Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Aldous Huxley - The most distressing thing that can happen to a prophet is to be proved wrong. The next most distressing thing is to be proved right.
Alex Carey - It is long accepted by the missionaries that morality is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing people wore.
Alfred Adler - It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Alfred Hitchcock - Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
Allen's Axiom - When all else fails, follow instructions.
Allen's Distinction - The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
Allen's Law - Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Alvin Toffler - The Law of Raspberry Jam - The wider any culture is spread, the thinner it gets.
Ambrose Bierce - Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Ambrose Bierce - Bore, n: a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Ambrose Bierce - Conservative, n: a statesman who is enamoured of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
Ambrose Bierce - Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Ambrose Bierce - Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Ambrose Bierce - Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Andy Rooney - We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
Anon - The computer is a great invention, there are just as many mistakes as ever, but they are nobody's fault.
Anonymous - Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?'
Anonymous - God is not dead. He is alive and working on a less ambitious project.
Anonymous - Never argue with a fool - people might not know the difference.
Anonymous - Never go to sea with two chronometers; take one or three.
Anonymous - The fewer clear facts you have in support of an opinion, the stronger your emotional attachment to that opinion.
Anonymous - You're never alone with schizophrenia.
Anthony's Law of Force - Don't force it - get a bigger hammer.
Application of Parkinson's Law to Computers - Any program will expand to fill available memory.
Aristotle - We make war that we may live in peace.
Arthur H. Motley - If the nation's economists were laid end to end, they would point in all directions.
Ashleigh Brilliant - I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
Ashleigh Brilliant - To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
Avery's Observation - It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.
Beckhap's Law - Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Benchley's Law of Distinction - There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
Benjamin Disraeli - There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Berra's Law - You can observe a lot just by watching.
Bert Taylor - A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, will tell you.
Bicycle Law - All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock. A 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock. A 50 pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.
Bill Gates, 1981 - 640K ought to be enough for anybody.
Bill Vaughan - The Vice Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does.
Billy Graham - I think when a person has been found guilty of rape he should be castrated. That would stop him pretty quick.
Billy Wilder - Hindsight is always 20:20.
Blaise Pascal - If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world.
Boies Penrose - Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
Bokonon on Wisdom - Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
Brendan Behan - Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
Brooke's Law - Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Brooks' Law of Computer Programming - Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Bush's Truism - A fool and his money are soon elected.
C. Northcote Parkinson - It is a commonplace observation that work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.
Cahn's Axiom - When all else fails, read the instructions.
Cannon's Comment - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
Carl Sandburg - Slang is a language that rolls up its sleeves, spits on its hands and goes to work.
Carson's Law - It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
Chester Nimitz - A ship is always referred to as "she" because it costs so much to keep one in paint and powder.
Chinese proverb - He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
Churchill's commentary on Man - Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
Clare Boothe Luce - No good deed goes unpunished.
Clarence Darrow - The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow - When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
Clarke's First Law - When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
Clarke's Third Law - Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Claude Levi-Strauss - The world began without man, and it will complete itself without him.
Clive Barnes - Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.
Clive James - It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.
Cohen's Law - What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts, not the facts themselves.
Cole's Axiom - The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Cole's Law - Thinly sliced cabbage.
Colson's Law - When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
Comin's Law - People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
Commoner's Second Law of Ecology - Nothing ever goes away.
Confucious - The way of the superior man is 3-fold, but I am not equal to it. Virtuous, he is free from anxieties; wise, he is free from perplexities; bold, he is free from fear.
Confucius on Gamesmanship - Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Conrad's Conundrum - Technologies don't transfer.
Conway's Law - In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
Corollary to the First Law of Revision - In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.
Cyril Connolly - Always be nice to those younger than you, because they are the ones who will be writing about you.
Cyril Connolly - Imprisoned in every fat man a thin man is wildly signaling to be let out.
Cyril Connolly - Truth is a river that is always splitting up into arms that reunite. Islanded between the arms the inhabitants argue for a lifetime as to which is the main river.
David Coleman (athletics commentator) - He opened his legs and showed his class!
Definition of Puritanism - The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Derek Bok - If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Dick Cavett - As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
Dilemma - You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
Dixy Lee Ray - A nuclear power plant is infinitely safer than eating, because 300 people choke to death on food every year.
Dr. Who - There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
Ducharme's Precept - Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Dwight D. Eisenhower - I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it.
Dwight D. Eisenhower - We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
Earl Wilson - If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Edgar Allan Poe - All that we see or seem, Is but a dream within a dream.
Edward R. Murrow - Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation.
Ehrman's Commentary - Things will get worse before they will get better. Who said things would get better?
Eighth Law of Computer Programming - Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
Elbert Hubbard - Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Ernie Kovacs - Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done.
Etorre's Observation - The other queue moves faster.
Fannie Hurst - A woman has to be twice as good as a man to go half as far.
Farnsdick's corollary - After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Fett's Law - Never replicate a successful experiment.
Fifth Law of Computer Programming - The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
Finagle's First Law - If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's Fourth Law - Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
Finagle's Second Law - No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to: (a) misinterpret it. (b) fake it. or (c) believe it supports his own pet theory.
Finagle's Third Law - In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
Firestone's Law of Forcasting - Chicken Little only has to be right once.
First Law of Computer Programming - Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
First Law of Laboratory Work - Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
First Law of Revision - Information necessitiating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after - and only after - the plans are complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell Us' Law)
First Postulate of Isomurphism - Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
Florynce Kennedy - If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
Fourth Law of Computer Programming - If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
Fourth Law of Thermodynamics - If the probability of success is not almost one, then it is damned near zero.
Françoise Sagan - A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.
Frank Lloyd Wright - TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Frank Rizzo - The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them unsafe.
Franz Kafka - In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
Fred Allen - Most of us spend the first 6 days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Fridtjof Hansen - War will cease when men refuse to fight.
Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom - Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times, definitely will.
Gallois' Revelation - If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled, and no one dares to criticize it.
General Douglas MacArthur - In war there is no substitute for victory.
George Allen - Leisure time is that five or six hours when you sleep at night.
George Bernard Shaw - A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw - Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw - We've already established what you are, ma'am. Now we're just haggling over the price.
George Orwell - Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
George Orwell - Liberal - a power worshipper without power.
George Orwell - On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.
George Santayana - Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to repeat it.
Georges Clemenceau - America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.
Georges Clemenceau - War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.
Gerrold's Fundamental Truth - It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials.
Gerrold's Law - A little ignorance can go a long way (Lyall's Addendum: ... in the direction of maximum harm).
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics - 1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
Gerrold's Pronouncement - The difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves its slime behind.
Gibb's Law - Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another.
Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics - You can't win. You can't break even. You can't quit.
Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness - The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional to its actual usefulness once bought and paid for.
Gloria Steinem - There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
Gold's Law - If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Goldwyn's Law of Contracts - A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Gordon's First Law - If a project is not worth doing at all, it's not worth doing well.
Grossman's Misquote - Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
Groucho Marx - Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx - Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Gumperson's Law - The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
H. L. Mencken - A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
H. L. Mencken - Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
H. L. Mencken - No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H. L. Mencken - The American public knows what it wants, and deserves to get it good and hard.
Handy Guide to Modern Science - 1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Harrison's Postulate - For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Harry S. Truman - It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
Hartley's Second Law - Never go to bed with anybody crazier than you are.
Harver's Law - A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Hawkin's Theory of Progress - Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is right. It consists of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is more subtly wrong.
Hector Berlioz - Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Hellrung's Law - If you wait, it will go away. Shevelson's Extension: ... having done its damage. Grelb's Addition: ... if it was bad, it will be back.
Henry B. Adams - One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.
Herbert Prochnow - A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
Honoré de Balzac - It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time.
Honoré de Balzac - The duration of passion is proportionate with the original resistance of the woman.
Horngren's Observation - (generalized) The real world is a special case.
Howard W. Newton - Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
Howe's Law - Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Hubert H. Humphrey - The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
Hubert H. Humphrey - We believe that to err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.
I. F. Stone - If God, as some now say, is dead, He no doubt died of trying to find an equitable solution to the Arab-Jewish problem.
Imamu Amiri Baraka - God has been replaced, as he has all over the West, with respectability and air conditioning.
J. Edgar Hoover - Justice is incidental to law and order.
J. Frank Dobie - The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government - No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
James B. Cabell - The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
James H. Boren - When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.
James Thurber - You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
Jean Giraudoux - The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity - The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.
Jerome K. Jerome - It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
Jimmy Carter - Because of the greatness of the Shah, Iran is an island of stability in the Middle East.
Joe Louis - Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
John Stuart Mill - Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.
John W. Hazard - The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
Jone's Motto - Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
Jone's Principle - Needs are a function of what other people have.
Katz's Law - Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Kin Hubbard - Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Kin Hubbard - When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.
Klipstein's Lament - All warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
Klipstein's Law - Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.
Klipstein's Observation - Any product cut to length will be too short.
Knight's Law - Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
Korman's conclusion - The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.
Krueger's Observation - A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.
Langin's Law - If things were left to chance, they'd be better.
Langsam's Law - Everything depends.
Laurence J. Peter - An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Laurence Peter - Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
Laurence Peter - In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
Law of Reruns - If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.
Law of Research - Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Law of Revelation - The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
Law of Selective Gravity - An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Law of the Perversity of Nature - You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Lewis' First Law - No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
Lewis' Second Law - People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
Lily Tomlin - The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Lord Acton - Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Lord Byron - For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.
Lowery's Law - If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology - There's always one more bug.
Ludwig Erhard - A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
Lyall's Conjecture - If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.
Lyall's Fundamental Observation - The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.
Lynch's Law - When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
MacDonald's Second Law - Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back to them.
Mae West - When choosing between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before.
Maier's Law - If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Manly's Maxim - Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Marcel Archard - Women like silent men. They think they're listening.
Margaret Thatcher - If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
Marilyn Monroe - I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it.
Mark Twain - The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
Mark Twain - When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
Mark's mark - Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.
Martin Bryant (on his 37th birthday) - 37 eh? And I still feel like an 18 year old... but I can't find one that'll have me!
Martin Luther King, Jr. - It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.
Matthew Browne - Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow.
Matz's warning - Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.
Maugham's Thought - Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
Maya Angelou - Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise.
Mencken on Adultery - Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
Mencken on Adversity - When a man laughs at his misfortunes, he loses a great many friends. They never forgive the loss of their perogative.
Mencken on Idealism - An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
Mencken on Law - A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
Mencken on Patriotism - Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it.
Mencken on Politics - Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
Mencken's Arcana Coelestica - Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that obtained by Christ.
Mencken's Metalaw - For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.
Merkin's Maxim - When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
Michel Eyquem de Montaigne - Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.
Miguel de Cervantes - A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
Milo Bloom - The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important.
Moer's truism - The trouble with most jobs is the job holder's resemblence to being one of a sled dog team. No one gets a change of scenery except the lead dog.
Motto of the Green Berets - If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
Murphy's Constant - Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Murphy's Corollary (Progressive) - Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy's Corollary - It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Murphy's Law - If anything can go wrong, it will.
Murphy's Military Laws (01) - Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
Murphy's Military Laws (02) - No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Murphy's Military Laws (03) - Friendly fire ain't.
Murphy's Military Laws (04) - The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
Murphy's Military Laws (05) - The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
Murphy's Military Laws (06) - The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
Murphy's Military Laws (07) - The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Murphy's Military Laws (08) - Incoming fire has the right of way.
Murphy's Military Laws (09) - If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
Murphy's Military Laws (10) - The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
Murphy's Military Laws (11) - If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
Murphy's Military Laws (12) - The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
Murphy's Military Laws (13) - The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Murphy's Military Laws (14) - There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Murphy's Military Laws (15) - Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
Murphy's Military Laws (16) - If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Napolean - Women are nothing but machines for producing children.
Napoleon - In politics stupidity is not a handicap.
Napoleonic Principle - You can lead a man to slaughter, but you can't make him think.
Neil Armstrong - That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.
Nelson Algren - Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And never lie down with a woman who's got more trouble than you.
New World Economics - In America, it's not how much an item costs that matters, it's how much you save.
Nicholas Murray Butler - An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.
Niels Bohr - An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field.
Niels Bohr - The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations - Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
O'Toole's Commentary - Murphy was an optimist.
Occam's Razor Applied to Catastrophe - Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Optimism for Beginners - Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Oscar Wilde - Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
Oscar Wilde - There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
Pat Paulsen - Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.
Paul Erdös - A mathematician is a machine for turning coffee into theorems.
Peer's Law - The solution to the problem changes the problem.
Perkin's postulate - The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Peter Sellers - People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.
Peter's Placebo - An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
Phyllis Diller - We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Piet Hein's Arithmetic of Cooperation - When you're adding up committees there's a useful rule of thumb: that talents make a difference, and follies make a sum.
Piet Hein's Epigram - There is one art, no more, no less: to do all things with artlessness.
Piet Hein's The Ultimate Wisdom - Philosophers must ultimately find their true perfection in knowing all the follies of mankind by introspection.
Polish proverb - Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
Pope John XXIII - Men are like wine - some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Postulate of Systematic Error - Design flaws travel in groups.
Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules - Everything costs more and takes longer.
Problematics - Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
Problematics Revisited - Inside every big problem is an even bigger problem waiting to get out.
Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law - Everything goes wrong all at once.
Ralph Nader - The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service.
Ralph's Observation - It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
Reggie Jackson - The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it.
Revenge - Don't get mad, get even.
Richard Nixon - I have nothing to hide.
Richard Nixon - I would have made a good pope.
Richard Nixon - Voters quickly forget what a man says.
Richard Nixon - When the president does it, that means it is not illegal.
Richard Nixon - Your President is no crook!
Robert F. Kennedy - Some men see things as they are and say why? I dream things that never were and say 'Why not?'
Robert Frost - A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Robert Frost - A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Robert Frost - A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
Robert Frost - A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
Robert Frost - The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.
Robert G. Ingersoll - Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them.
Ron Nesen - Nobody believes the official spokesman ... but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
Ronald Reagan - Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
Ronald Reagan - I have just signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever; we begin bombing in 5 minutes.
Ronald Reagan - Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
Rosenfield's Regret - The most delicate component will be dropped.
Roy Adzak - Good art is not what it looks like, but what it does to us.
Rudin's Law - In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
Rule of Accuracy - When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Samuel Butler - Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
Sattinger's Law - It works better if you plug it in.
Schmidt's Law - If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
Schmidt's Observation - All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
Scott's Second Law - When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.
Second Law of Computer Programming - Any given program costs more and takes longer.
Second Law of Revision - The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.
Segal's Law - A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
Sevareid's Law - The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Seventh Law of Computer Programming - Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug. There are no non-trivial programs.
Shaw's Principle - Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Shirley's Law - Most people deserve each other.
Sigmund Freud - Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Simon Cameron - An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
Simone de Beauvoir - What is an adult? A child blown up by age.
Sixth Law of Computer Programming - Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
Specification Dynamics - Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
Stanislaw Lec - When smashing monuments, save the pedestals - they always come in handy.
Steve Jobs - To seek permission is to seek denial.
Stewart's Law of Retroaction - It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Sueker's Note - If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.
Supply and Demand - You get the most of what you need the least.
Sydney Harris - Nobody can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own.
Tallulah Bankhead - It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
Temporal Paradox - Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
The Airplane Law - When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
The Assembler's Dilemma - Interchangeable parts won't.
The Cybernetic Cock-up Rule - To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
The Demand-Cogitation Axiom - If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
The First Law of Wing Walking - Never let hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.
The First Myth of Management - It exists.
The Golden Rule - He who has the gold, makes the rules.
The Law of Denied Reciprocity - Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
The Loss Principle - You never find a lost article until you replace it.
The Sausage Principle - People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
The Thermodyamic Challenge - You can't fight the law of conservation of energy but you sure can bargain with it.
The Ultimate Law - All general statements are false.
The Unapplicable Law - Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
The Unidirectional Idiot Principle - Fools rush in where fools have been before.
The Unspeakable Law - As soon as you mention something; if it is good, it goes away. if it is bad, it happens.
The Way the World Works - Forgive and remember.
The Whispered Rule - People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Third Law of Computer Programming - If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
Thoreau's Law - If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.
Trygve Lie - A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having his neighbor notice it.
Victor Borge - Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Vince Lombardi - Winning is not everything. It's the only thing.
Vladimir Nabokov - Life is a great surprise. I do not see why death should not be an even greater one.
W. C. Fields - Anybody who hates children and dogs can't be all bad.
W.C. Fields - I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Weiler's Law - Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.
Weinberg's Second Law - If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
Werner von Braun - Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass-produced with unskilled labor.
What Kipling Should Have Said - If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.
Wiker's Law - Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Will Rogers - Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it.... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.
Will Rogers - Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Will Rogers - There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Will Rogers - This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Will Rogers - We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
William Dement - Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
Wilson Mizner - A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.
Wilson Mizner - Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
Wilson Mizner - Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor, unassisted.
Wilson Mizner - When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research.
Winston Churchill - I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
Winston Churchill - It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.
Winston Churchill - Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on.
Winston Churchill - Politics are very much like war. We may even have to use poison gas at times.
Witten's Law - Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later.
Woltman's Law - Never program and drink beer at the same time.
Woody Allen - I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen - If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen - It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better ... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen - The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Wynn Catlin - Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" till you can find a rock.
Wyszkowski's Second Law - Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Wyszowski's Law - No experiment is reproducible.
Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics - Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour - People are always available for work in the past tense.
